Following the disappointment of my first paycheck, I'm going to be staying with my darling mother a little longer. Truth be told, it hasn't been that bad really. We barely see each other (I work nights, she starts early), a factor always conducive to a good relationship with your parents, I find... She is still a massive nag, and can't really navigate that fine line between child and flatmate, but it's ok.
I am glad that I've been here recently. A few weeks ago now we got the news that her Sister had died. Tragic enough in its self, but for the fact that it had happened months before and no one had told the rest of the family. I'm not going to go into all the details, but it was a sad end to what was ultimately a sad and wasted life. Estrangement is never easy to justify, but it happened here. And it's sad. Very very sad.
Yesterday we got the news that the 22 yr old son of a very close friend of hers had died in what was apparently an accidental drug overdose.
I am crossing my heart in the hope that the law of threes won't apply here. She isn't dealing with it very well, not that she would ever admit it. So I'm watching her. And if she needs it I'll take her to the pub and ply her with beer, or make her get dressed up and take her out to dinner.
Go hug your family.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Cup holder
I have a theory about my role in relationships that I don't share too often, but I feel like sharing now. I liken myself to a cup holder. They are fantastic in a car, and really very useful - but you won't buy a car just because it has one.
My conversation with Marshall never eventuated. Following my last post we caught up and he offered one of his spare rooms for me to move in to. That's right, he suggested I move in to his house. His justification was that we got on and we would be good company for one another. At the time I hinted at the potential difficulties we might encounter with being roommates, given that we were sleeping together and all, and that I should take a day or two to think it over. The next morning I reminded him of his offer and, just as enthusiastically he reiterated it. I was sold and decided to go for it. He has nice house, plenty of room, he's good to look at and fun to be around. And I liked him. Not over the top with like -but yeah, let's see what might happen here like. And I kinda figured it could go one of two ways - my constant presence would render him incapable of not falling in love with me and we would live happily ever after (and I could avoid having the talk) OR he would, at some point look around and think how the hell did I become attached to this fat chick and I would move back in with my mother or get my own place.
These were 50/50 odds and I was prepared to accept them.
Any hoo. Earlier tonight I sent him a message saying - hey, thinking about moving in next weekend, if the offer is still on the table. His response - I'm sorry, but I can't have you move in, I've got things going on. That is a quote.
And I'm annoyed. Way annoyed. Fuck you annoyed. Things going on.
It being my way, I have inferred two meanings from this. One - I have lost my job, and with it this residence and it's subsidised rent. Two - I've been seeing someone (properly), things are getting serious and you would seriously cramp my style, oh and we probably shouldn't sleep together any more.
Now, I am a sensible person and can accept this. In fact, I accept the whole situation. Really. But it just fucking gets on my nerves that I couldn't be the one that gets picked and that I wasn't worthy of a phone call before now. That I must always be the one that misses out. I'm in this fucking place and it is still the fucking same. This fucking shits me.
Now. I am posting this without saving it and re reading it because it is late - even by WA standards (In my defence, I didn't get home from work until 10.30) and I have been laying in bed stewing and annoyed at myself for the last hour and I needed to vent. For that, I thank you.
Goodnight x
My conversation with Marshall never eventuated. Following my last post we caught up and he offered one of his spare rooms for me to move in to. That's right, he suggested I move in to his house. His justification was that we got on and we would be good company for one another. At the time I hinted at the potential difficulties we might encounter with being roommates, given that we were sleeping together and all, and that I should take a day or two to think it over. The next morning I reminded him of his offer and, just as enthusiastically he reiterated it. I was sold and decided to go for it. He has nice house, plenty of room, he's good to look at and fun to be around. And I liked him. Not over the top with like -but yeah, let's see what might happen here like. And I kinda figured it could go one of two ways - my constant presence would render him incapable of not falling in love with me and we would live happily ever after (and I could avoid having the talk) OR he would, at some point look around and think how the hell did I become attached to this fat chick and I would move back in with my mother or get my own place.
These were 50/50 odds and I was prepared to accept them.
Any hoo. Earlier tonight I sent him a message saying - hey, thinking about moving in next weekend, if the offer is still on the table. His response - I'm sorry, but I can't have you move in, I've got things going on. That is a quote.
And I'm annoyed. Way annoyed. Fuck you annoyed. Things going on.
It being my way, I have inferred two meanings from this. One - I have lost my job, and with it this residence and it's subsidised rent. Two - I've been seeing someone (properly), things are getting serious and you would seriously cramp my style, oh and we probably shouldn't sleep together any more.
Now, I am a sensible person and can accept this. In fact, I accept the whole situation. Really. But it just fucking gets on my nerves that I couldn't be the one that gets picked and that I wasn't worthy of a phone call before now. That I must always be the one that misses out. I'm in this fucking place and it is still the fucking same. This fucking shits me.
Now. I am posting this without saving it and re reading it because it is late - even by WA standards (In my defence, I didn't get home from work until 10.30) and I have been laying in bed stewing and annoyed at myself for the last hour and I needed to vent. For that, I thank you.
Goodnight x
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