I have a theory about my role in relationships that I don't share too often, but I feel like sharing now. I liken myself to a cup holder. They are fantastic in a car, and really very useful - but you won't buy a car just because it has one.
My conversation with Marshall never eventuated. Following my last post we caught up and he offered one of his spare rooms for me to move in to. That's right, he suggested I move in to his house. His justification was that we got on and we would be good company for one another. At the time I hinted at the potential difficulties we might encounter with being roommates, given that we were sleeping together and all, and that I should take a day or two to think it over. The next morning I reminded him of his offer and, just as enthusiastically he reiterated it. I was sold and decided to go for it. He has nice house, plenty of room, he's good to look at and fun to be around. And I liked him. Not over the top with like -but yeah, let's see what might happen here like. And I kinda figured it could go one of two ways - my constant presence would render him incapable of not falling in love with me and we would live happily ever after (and I could avoid having the talk) OR he would, at some point look around and think how the hell did I become attached to this fat chick and I would move back in with my mother or get my own place.
These were 50/50 odds and I was prepared to accept them.
Any hoo. Earlier tonight I sent him a message saying - hey, thinking about moving in next weekend, if the offer is still on the table. His response - I'm sorry, but I can't have you move in, I've got things going on. That is a quote.
And I'm annoyed. Way annoyed. Fuck you annoyed. Things going on.
It being my way, I have inferred two meanings from this. One - I have lost my job, and with it this residence and it's subsidised rent. Two - I've been seeing someone (properly), things are getting serious and you would seriously cramp my style, oh and we probably shouldn't sleep together any more.
Now, I am a sensible person and can accept this. In fact, I accept the whole situation. Really. But it just fucking gets on my nerves that I couldn't be the one that gets picked and that I wasn't worthy of a phone call before now. That I must always be the one that misses out. I'm in this fucking place and it is still the fucking same. This fucking shits me.
Now. I am posting this without saving it and re reading it because it is late - even by WA standards (In my defence, I didn't get home from work until 10.30) and I have been laying in bed stewing and annoyed at myself for the last hour and I needed to vent. For that, I thank you.
Goodnight x
*puts on nana hat*
ReplyDeleteOk, in the nicest, most sensitive kind of way, I think you are perhaps reading way too much into this. Far more likely that the most reasonable inferences to make are:
a) dude has stuff going on. Maybe stuff he feels, for whatever reason, would be too much for a fledgeling relationship. Maybe backing away is easier than opening up about said stuff. (Some people have trouble talking about how they feel, or making themselves vulnerable *cough*.)
b) dude has taken your casual, low pressure approach to your mutual relationship at face value and believes it's not that big a deal to you.
c) dude is a douche
Either way, I think that to infer that this situation reflects negatively on you in any way is a mistake. Clearly you are fabulous.
Thanks, lovely. You are far too clever and reasonable for me... and it is very much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteS.
You know my thoughts on Marshall, so let's leave that well alone.
ReplyDeleteYou are not a cup holder. You are in no way close to being a cup holder. And the next time I see you I will punch you in the head for even thinking it.
Lucy
What a fucken douche. That is all that really needs to be said. WHAT.A.FUCKEN.DOUCHE.
ReplyDelete